the full body butterflies

Having to take deep breaths to calm my emotions. A tingly lightness spreads from my head to my toes, most pronounced in my head, heart and stomach. Tears rush to my glands, but decide to stop right before they reach their exit. I intensely feel my body curling up. Sometimes the butterflies feel great, but the full body ones are full of fear and insecurity.

She has the ability to cause emotional reactions in me that few people can.
I have the ability to cause emotional reactions in me that few people can.

Im awake. Im alive. Im excited. Im scared.

Im scared to get hurt. Im scared to move backwards. Im scared of losing her. Im scared of thinking I love you. Im scared of saying I love you. Im scared I dont know what love is. Im scared that what i feel as love is actually something volatile. Im scared of the sex. Im scared of my ability to go from apathetic to passionate at the flip of a switch. Im scared to love people who havent yet learned how to love themselves. Im scared to lose myself to love. Im scared of giving away too much. Im scared to be vulnerable.

But I must go on – I cant cower in fear, and I must risk again and again, otherwise Ill never know if Ive found someone special. Thats the only way. I now understand the tingly lightness that currently resides in the space between my head and my toes.
firma