Demons pt 2

Pursuit of happiness
Mumble rap in the back of the avalanche
going down like a battle rap
I dont know when a heart attack might just gimme a autograph
Im alone and i never laugh
ima write out my epitaph if i gotta do it

She be really down to earth yea yea
Cuz she smokin on the herb yea yea
Higher than the birds yea yea
im so icy with the words yea yea yea yea yea yea yea

The world cold yea my soul colder
i dont know when its all over
but my flow cold yea i feel golden
Hit the old hoes with the cold shoulder

i gotta reconcile my better judgment with the way i feel
cuz i want u in my bed. ur last night sealed the deal with the
devil of angels. im young, broke and single.
i still raise my finger to a bad thought that linger about
u. i been thinkin about
u. all my fantasies bout
u. i been losing my mind,
true. i been losing my grip.
i swear i need u to fly out to the city of angels
dont be a stranger. dont be a stranger
i know ur oceans away
if u could come over and fuck thatd be great, hey

She be really down to earth yea yea
Cuz she smokin on the herb yea yea
Higher than the birds yea yea
im so icy with the words yea yea yea yea yea yea yea

She be really down to earth yea yea
Cuz she smokin on the herb yea yea
Higher than the birds yea yea
im so icy with the words yea yea yea yea yea yea yea

theres some people in my life that i love
i havent hit em in a couple of months
it seems so easy hit their line and theyll come
but i got demons that r holding me down
and i got women that i think about often who said they could love me if my heart would just soften
i want it to stop so we could chill & just talk but my heart like a rock
& im a cold hearted killer for the fancy life
i do nothin but pursue this life
i gotta do what i gotta do. what i gotta do to get through to you im a fuckin crazy dude?
i aint ghostin cuz im poppin
im ghostin cuz u aint a option
7 years & i aint turned a profit/prophet
its now or never. quittin now would have my future soul turning in my coffin
smokin cigs the shit that got me coughin

She be really down to earth yea yea
Cuz she smokin on the herb yea yea
Higher than the birds yea yea
im so icy with the words yea yea yea yea yea yea yea

She be really down to earth yea yea
Cuz she smokin on the herb yea yea
Higher than the birds yea yea
im so icy with the words yea yea yea yea yea yea yea

Nobody Wants to be Alone

Nobody wants to be alone
Everybody wants to feel like they have home
Somebody to love
Somebody to love

i cant make the same mistakes again i been dealing wit em so long
i dont have time to waste again i been doing it for so long
yea i know i want a taste again we could do it baby so long
neither of us wanna be alone

Nobody wants to be alone
Everybody wants to feel like they have home
Somebody to love
Somebody to love

i dont have the time
i dont have the place
i dont have the space in my mind when it race
i dont have the time
i dont have the time for the wrong impression
oh baby what u know bout me
all the things yea i give it for free
oh baby what u know bout me
all the things yea i give it for free

Nobody wants to be alone
Everybody wants to feel like they have home
Somebody to love
Somebody to love

Feelin Witcha (ft. RANEN)

Yeah, fuck me up, ay, yeah

Baby thanks for teaching me your ways
Paving up the path for better days
Plus I pray the lord my soul to take
I think about ur body when i wake
I fantasize about u in my good dreams
U showed up just in time to tie my shoe strings
I love that u a artist we could do things
The fire in ur eyes it make me wanna do things
Do new things
Do things
Do new things
Witcha

Chillin witcha
Sippin withca
Feelin witcha
Kickin back witcha
Smoke in my lungs
Booze in my gut Im
Im a fool for love
Baby Im stuck in traffic stoned and i miss just
Sittin witcha
Sippin witcha
Feelin witcha

I drank the juice up
I hope that ur not medusa
I love that u understand me
I love u I swear we’re family
I know that u need ur freedom
Respect baby live ur freedom
I noticed u bite ur lip & i just wanna get to feel it & i

do things
Do new things
Do things
Do new things

Chillin witcha
Sippin withca
Feelin witcha
Kickin back witcha
Smoke in my lungs
Booze in my gut Im
Im a fool for love
Baby Im stuck in traffic stoned and i miss just
Sittin witcha
Sippin witcha
Feelin witcha

Dinero

Lately I been heavily drinkin
Sad song 2017 in the makin
fore I tell a mami yo te quiero
(I needa) needa get dinero
*2

I think I need it for my mental
Makin all this Music fore I misbehave on some life Shit
I needa prove its not a pipe dream
Red eyes cuz I cant afford the vizine stuntin on em
They never worked this hard for nothin they just on a totem
I jus hit em wit the magic on my Hocus pocus
I jus tell em what direction that I know Im going
And they pull over they squad just to check it like a speeding rover
Magic city when I pop in
Bout time I get it poppin
I know losing aint a option
Id rather live inside a coffin
Crowd roars when I walk in

Lately I been heavily drinkin
Sad song 2017 in the makin
fore I tell a mami yo te quiero
(I needa) needa get dinero
*2

I think I needa feed my inner angels like I feed my inner demons lately
Cuz Im feelin so different lately
Wear the dark on my sleeve lately
& I know u see that side lately
Plus I know u wanna cry lately
Plus u know I’m not a cry baby
But when I’m around ya u know I get to heavy ventin
Ur like a blanket over my cold soul
Id like to thank u from the bottom of the pitless hole
Where my heart used to live healthy
Exaggerating just a tad but not really
Before the alcohol, cigarettes and sex take me
I hope that u take me
U look so amazing
For real

Lately I been heavily drinkin
Sad song 2017 in the makin
fore I tell a mami yo te quiero
(I needa) needa get dinero

I think I needa treat my parents better
But they fuckin wit my vibe lately
I mean I love em but the love is lookin hella hazy
I go from chillin wit a homie feelin real amazin
Then Im talking to my dad and the feelings fading
Intimacy issues pave the way to hella tissues
I got some bigger issue
Money the biggest issue
I feel a type of stress that I dont vibe wit
Plus its been like 3 days since I see u and I really miss u
I wanna give it to u smooth like I dream about
But I gotta get this paper. what I’m worried bout
Before I die I needa take off on the spaceship that I dream about
If not, then kill me now (gun shot Sound)

Lately I been heavily drinkin
Sad song 2017 in the makin
fore I tell a mami yo te quiero
(I needa) needa get dinero
*3

violet

Violet I c u arrivin
My heart like a siren
Where have u been hidin

U touch on my face like u know me
I met u tonight
Ur kiss Golden

U came up to me
Yd u do it
U knew I was trouble
Said screw it

I knew u were playing these games from the get
That don’t matter well win em

Fuck it I know Im a villain
I kill em
So u gon remember

me if I c u again or I don’t
Girl I known u forever

(If u wanna) Talk to me
(Baby Just) Talk to me
(Id love it if u) talk to me
I want u to talk to me. on top of me

U came up to me
I didnt ask for ur magic
U overexposed it

& now I cant think about
Anything else
Jus the rasp of ur vocal

Loopin in circles
Ur features r dark like the depths of my spirit I love it

She gorgeous like me plus she French kisses me when she greets me in public

U talk like the queen I could c u becoming
Can’t think of a reason I’m honest w u but..My vision has u in the fold like a letter in envelope envelope

(If u wanna) Talk to me
(Baby Just) Talk to me
(‘d love it if u) talk to me
I want u to talk to me. on top of me

Talk to me.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.

U talk like the queen I could c u becoming
Cant think of a reason I’m honest w u but..My vision has u in the fold like a letter in envelope envelope

(If u wanna) Talk to me
(Baby Just) Talk to me
(I’d love it if u) talk to me
I want to talk to me. on top of me
(If u wanna) Talk to me
(Baby Just) Talk to me
(I’d love it if u) talk to me
Baby ur a lot for me. Obviously

my current emotional state

u bother me so much
ur so annoying
so so annoying
y do ppl like me that i dont like
y does my current emotional state influence my writing so much
y does my current emotional state determine if i like u
y do i like ppl that dont like me
y ?
y ?
y ?
y ?

im golden gate yea

i look ahead @ 2 roads that wan cry
1 of em goes down & the other burns bright
i got 2 down hoes i got 1 clean sprite
had 2 quit drinking cuz my mind aint right
delight at the thought 1 road looking real straight now
lots of things have changed look @ me im golden gate yea
im just livin life look @ me this is my fate yea
im just livin life look @ me im feeling great yea
oo yea lucky me im feeling great yea
lithium pills to the dome was my fate yea
Francisco is the name this is my face yea
Francisco is the name im golden gate yea

Purple Praise

newfound peace
im in this beesh
on roads that reap
what sinners seek
& gurus 2
when feeling blue
light, dark & grey
& purple praise

x (private) y (private)

x (private)
y (private)
these r the things got me trippin
trippin on my own shoelaces
aces
thats the cards that i was holdin
youngin went to texas like its hold em
red my favorite color but tonight im feeling blue
autumn leaves fallin & im fallin 4 u
ice in my veins but in my heart i got some mushy stuff
all i pray 2 god is that someday im feeling good & stuff
depression hold me down but im fighting 4 my life
tensions boiling up like the bubbles in some sprite
days on days on days i was higher than a kite
now i look around with no green like red light
life it catches up 2 u im ready 4 my life
life it catches up like ur running & got caught
i dont wanna do it if i do it out of spite
i dont wanna do it cuz tonight i wanna cry
talking 2 a friend on the facetime had him blocked
realized i had all the ppl care about me blocked
ppl care about me & i didnt even notice
lately feel i had my life out of focus
bogus. pocus. worried bout my stock.
oxidian in my pocket all the day i carry rocks.
never fucked a model chick
dreams of gettin hella rich
medicine was heaven sent
body is a edifice
almost lost it all. killed myself. it wasnt right
got 2 many ppl care about me in my life.
red. blue. green. purple. colors what i like
paintin on this canvas like my feelings were real bright
silence aint my enemy i use it
relax on the couch of my choosin
millenial generation we on weird shit
dads blood in my veins made me fearless
i cant be no one but myself & i
do it 4 myself cuz i cannot die
capitalism weighin on me real heavy
instagram everybodys real happy
past is in the past & the futures in the future
now is in the present anything else u cant be too sure
feeling real nasty like my bitch from college
cuz i cant find a way to get away from all this
most days im a little sad like i was in college
lots of days im really sad if im being honest
black paint on my nails eyeliner on my eyelids
@ this point i do not now if ever i will have kids
make my parents proud was important at some point
i do not know what is important @ this point
life is flying by spark it up i spliff a joint
i like flying high from the inside of my voice
anger flaring up gotta spray that shit bazooka
fore it does more damage than it did when i knew ya
ice. water. fire. rain.
smell the earthy forest treehouses in my brain
fuck a copycat i am just staying in my lane
if anything @ least i know i do not sound the same
i just keep on writing in the hopes that something catches on
writin anything opposite i went bad shit on
daffadils & roses they remind me of ur pretty scent
flowers in the sidewalk stop & smell them they r heaven sent
time goes by so fast so slowly
if u wanna live or die feeling lonely
i wanna know is such a thing as 1 & only
polygamy monogamy i might go cop a rollie
life slowly fades then bites back i shine back
karma is a bitch ask me how i like that
life slowly fades then bites back i shine back
karma is a bitch i dont really fight back
count stacks if i had em but rn i just got paper
paper that im writing on i write a c u l8r
momma on my mind cuz we aint talked in the whole year
i got trust issues bad issues bad oo yea

Pink $kies

outlier in the truest sense
what u wan know bout me it all depends
I CANNOT LEAVE $HIT UP TO CHANCE
even if i gotta resort to violence
ay hey when u hear the sirens
just adjust the speed of ur gold plated rims
oo. this is no way to binge
cocaine on the table all the bitches goin in
& i love all of her friends
ay, sippin limonada with tequila & the vodka & i dont wanna pretend
like im not thinking bout sex every mothafuckin second that i
spend in a benz w the black chick in the white
i got pictures from the bathroom last night
corinthians to mathew
stopped goin to church unless i cant avoid it oo

i love pink $kies
yes i do.
my memory is fading,
but right now the moon i$ waning.
i dont even have to $ay $hit
cuz i love pink $kies.

jus laying back we smokin indica
she smokin backwoods in the lavender
undergarments. Go retarded girl.
jus gettin started i aint finish yet
dont get offended cuz i aint pretendin
my words inventive while yall unattentive
the name is Heez if u aint pay attention
my girl aware of my every feti$h
ur girl aware that u wont admit it
her satisfaction take precedence
sometimes u gotta set a precedent
i might just end it from this precipice.
uh, heavenly father i be feeling hellish
drankn stellas with a couple fellas
ay, since a youngin i been…
3000 years from now these flows a relic.

Judgment Day (ft. Lomac) (prod. heez)

Living in a dream
Living in a dream i can.
When i couldnt breathe
Wanting to feel free i ran.
Heaven said to me,
Patience is the promised land.
Work is love to me
And Love is everything i am.
i ran.

Since u believe in me
i thank u from the bottom of my heart
Cuz peace in life is heaven
And i find peace in art.
im on my way
im almost there
On Judgment Day
i pray i pray i pray
i care

i pray i pray i pray
i care
On Judgment Day

Theres been a change in me

Theres been a change in me
From good to bad to good
im back where i sprouted from
im right where i should
i crawl where i shiver
i cry when i scream
i laugh where i whisper
i die when i dream
i might go to heaven
i might go to hell
i know not of heathens
i might be as well
i hope ur forgiveness
Reaches my heart
My soul & my body
Ache without art
So u lovely lady
i love u as such
Cause peace is ur smile
& smilings enough

“Nadamas te interesa la luz de la luna y soñar.” – Abu (8/21/2017)

Cruel (prod. heez)

Oh no
Oh no
Baby please dont

i know
i know
i need control

i want u to fly
Girl i really do

Thats y it makes me sad
That ur such a fool

Baby ur not cool but u think u r
Never thought that u would take it this far
Baby ur so cruel with that chainsaw heart of yours

Not a thing to do but…

Turn back the time
Turn back the time
Turn back the time
Turn back the time

Baby ur not cool but u think u r
Always knew that u would be a big star
Baby im so cruel with these reckless dreams of mine

Not a thing to do but…

Turn back the time
Turn back the time
Turn back the time
Turn back the time

Aphysical (ft. Culture Child) (prod. heez)

gimme gimme somethin
gimme somethin to work with
havent had nothin cept a dream & a purpose
im feelin ya
im feelin ya
im feelin ya
im feelin ya

Aphysical tonight
Its just our souls tonight

lets get away from the world & its hypocrisy
what u say we go & form our own democracy
r we a part of it?
yeah were a part of it
get me away from it
get me away tonight

Aphysical tonight
Its just our souls tonight

i just wanna float away
take me to a higher place
we can build our own escape
inside out
just wanna fly
just wanna fly
just wanna fly

Aphysical tonight
Its just our souls tonight
Aphysical tonight
Its just our souls tonight

Whoa there (prod. heez & Blue Rondo)

whoa there
u said u wouldnt go there

whoa there
mamasita with the gold hair
whoa there
mamasita with the body body
u caught me feelin bout it bout it
i c u on the treadmill workin that

whoa there
she walk up to my school like she go here
she walk up everywhere like she dont care
she walk up on yo bitch like she own that
thats y she got me sayin

whoa there
u said u wouldnt go there

whoa there
flexin on these hoes like
whoa there
pretty lil face & the gold hair
walk up in this bitch like hello there
oh dear oh dear

Spent the last 8 years just finessing these chicks
Got walked in on the first time i was Losing my shit
i was a late bloomer. i Hadnt seen any tits
Then went through 99 broads now im losing my shit
i need a reality check im losing my grip
i need a main bad thing. give a fuck bout a whip
But then i do bad tings and they hate me for it
So thats y every single day im like Fuck it im lit
Nowadays i need somewhere to Live
Mickey Ds in the stomach cuz i gotta pay rent
im a horny fucking mammal tho get over this shit
She like i hope u dont end up with that ugly bitch
im just like girl, that was a fine ass stripper
Her name is Bailey. She works at cheetahs up on hollywood
She said a man and woman cant be friends
They either wanna have sex or play pretend
So call me up if u need somewhere to sit
My face a leather chair u should try it, its lit
And since u rolling a spliff we should give it a rip
i like it when u call me baby while im rubbing ur clit

what can i say about u
u got my jaw on the floor
irresponsible the way u walk out that door
i c ur body curvin all over my sweet dreams
girl i still care about u no matter how it seems

whoa there
u said u wouldnt go there

oh baby would u bounce with me?
im broke, but a dance is free
bounce
bounce

Sins (ft. Trip Carter) (prod. heez & trip)

this purple flower got me feelin crazy
this empty bottle got me feelin angsty
this pussy got my ambitions pushin daisies
oh lord is this y happiness evades me?

i know i had enough, but i want more
yet another pair of panties on my floor
all the pretty little things that i adore & need
blurry faces with no name
need a little bit of love to numb my pain
but i heard from a bird that love is pain to me

in another life, id be ur man
but for right now im too strung out on my sins
in another life, id be ur man
but for right now im too strung out on my sins

purple flower & the liquor shower
mix em up & get a super power
met a shawty at an early hour
had to smash in the eddie bauer
then i left without her
thats just how it goes
got the hoes, but im never fully satisfied
let the liquor flow i dont even have to drive
well i cant afford the uber so i guess i lied
hit the tint & ride
gotta sip & drive cuz im sposed to
been a hazard to these women since 02′
been a hazard to my health since age 2
so im sorry girl i wasnt meant to save u

i know i had enough, but i want more
yet another pair of panties on my floor
all the pretty little things that i adore & need
blurry faces with no name
need a little bit of love to numb my pain
but i heard from a bird that love is pain to me

in another life, id be ur man
but for right now im too strung out on my sins
in another life, id be ur man
but for right now im too strung out on my sins

Curfew (prod. heez)

our time came & went like apocalypse
i cant hear a word from ur moving lips
i cant hear word
no, i cant hear a word

ill see u again if u answer the phone
so maybe tomorrow we wont feel alone
fall flat on my face when ur up on that throne
dont u know?

dont let me leave now
dont let me leave now
its 4 in the morning
dont let me go
dont let me leave now
please dont let me leave now
i think our world might end soon as i walk out that door

can i kiss ur cheek now?
can i bite ur lip now?
would u let me breathe –
would u feel my heartbeat –
if i fall to my knees now?
i wanna spend many endless days witcha
ill give u what u want when u want it
dont need a thing from it
ur iconic
aint u, hunny?
feeling funny in my tummy everytime i step up in the room witcha

ill see u again if u answer the phone
so maybe tomorrow we wont feel alone
fall flat on my face when ur up on that throne
dont u know?

dont let me leave now
dont let me leave now
its 4 in the morning
dont let me go
dont let me leave now
please dont let me leave now
i think our world might end soon as i walk out that door

dont let me leave now
dont let me leave now
its 4 in the morning
dont let me go
dont let me leave now
please dont let me leave now
i think our world might end soon as i walk out that door

My life is a deja vu

No matter what road i walk on. i feel like
ive walked it before
i feel like ive known this road
i feel like ive seen this before
i wish i knew what i know i know
i can almost touch it
Second by second.
firma

sunday (ft. sideboy) (prod. heez & sideboy)

(verse)

 

i must admit i dream about
us without a grain of doubt.
then i shrivel to a grain of sand
when i wake up to no miss calls.
i remember screaming out my pain & biting on my pillow
when my feelings remained & your feelings stayed at zero.

 

(prechorus)

 

i need you and i want you.
i love you and i want to.
im happy just this once, boo
that youre chillin with the right dude.
chillin with the right dude.
chillin with the right dude.
chillin with the right dude.
chillin.

 

(chorus)

 

the light at the end of the tunnel, thats you.
when i find in my heart that theres darkness, come thru.
cuz the vibe of your smile is a sunray or 2.
if i die in your arms on a sunday its cool.

 

(verse 2)

 

i love you. i love you.
it feels so good to say,
but im talking to myself
when im writing on this page.
i hope i get to say it to you one day
when im grey
when every day has sun & everydays a sunday.
& we sippin sundaes
eating hella buffets.
passionate love with a little roleplay.
gin & o.j. & we sayin olé
to the people that hate
show em love is the way.

 

(prechorus)

 

i need you and i want you.
i love you and i want to.
im happy just this once, boo
that youre chillin with the right dude.
chillin with the right dude.
chillin with the right dude.
chillin with the right dude.
chillin.

 

(chorus)

the light at the end of the tunnel, thats you.
when i find in my heart that theres darkness, come thru.
cuz the vibe of your smile is a sunray or 2.
if i die in your arms on a sunday
its
cool.

 

(christina higas outro)

 

they come & go
so beautiful
the sunsets full
of magical
spells & i
testify
the beauty of
the darkest sky.

must be love (prod. heez)

(chorus)

 

oh, never ever felt like this before, baby
oh, could you be the one that i adore, baby
this must be love, this must be love, this must be love, right?
this must be love, this must be love, this must be love, right?

 

(verse)
nah, never will & never been.
the good girls never win.
at least not in my life.
every single one do my heart like cyanide.
this cant be the high life
thinking good-bye life.
remember, remember, remember:
the days when i could get high on life.
but i been on tour im cocky now
& youre hot & you want me now
& my flow so fresh
my views like Cole
my guns like Paquiao.
how in hell you end up with me?
guess my demons caught up to me.
i fly high you bring me back to earth
cuz these days swear to god i dont know my worth.
swimmin deep in our salty ocean
& call it love, we must be jokin.

 

(chorus)

 

oh, never ever felt like this before, baby
oh, could you be the one that i adore, baby
this must be love, this must be love, this must be love, right?
this must be love, this must be love, this must be love, right?

 

(verse 2)

 

prolly never was, hun
but i guess we had a lil fun
jus a lil bit
50 cent shit
im a rookie with the romance
even nervous when we hold hands
i wanna ask you for a slow dance
if its not love then i really dont know then.
i been watchin 8 mile.
i been gone 4 a while.
i left, but im still here
droppin flame while i shed tears.
i can love you, but dont want to.
you can love me if you want to.
you know its something that i wanna do
but it aint love & im done with the fun too.
swimmin deep in our salty ocean
& call it love, we must be jokin.

 

(chorus)
oh, never ever felt like this before, baby
oh, could you be the one that i adore, baby
this must be love, this must be love, this must be love, right?
this must be love, this must be love, this must be love, right?

 

(outro)

 

i couldnt be higher than this.
how could you be higher than bliss?

firma

cold soul (prod. andrew wells)

(intro)

 

baby girl i dont know who you are
or who i am anymore.
all i know is that im stuck between your legs
& i cant get out.
i cant get out.

 

(verse)

 

i wasnt like this in 1st grade.
i wasnt like this in 2nd grade.
i wasnt like this in 10th grade.
i wasnt like this in 12th grade.
so happy & unafraid
before we had our escapade.
oh god, please take me back
to the days when i sold lemonade.
you got me feeling so trustful.
you got me feeling so lustful.
aw man, aw man what you doin to me?
that feels so good in the wrong places.
when i call you baby
it feels so crazy.
youre the closest thing to god that ive ever been with
& im addicted to this shit.

 

(chorus)

 

when i look into your eyes
i see your soul.
when i fall into your eyes
i feel so cold.
& i wonder
what you see in mine.
& i wonder
what you feel from mine
what you feel from mine.

 

(verse 2)

 

that 1 nite
i treated you like a queen.
grey goose, lotion, blindfold, weed.
best sex we ever had
prolly cuz we were so damn sad.
i wanna help you out, but its hopeless.
got your heart round my neck & im chokin
with that pretty little face & that pale skin
& your passion 4 music & fashion.
but your pain got me feelng so blue.
cobain inclination in you.
wed stay up, listening to rock n roll.
now im holdin you up in a hospital
cuz you had enough of life & you couldnt cope.
you put the blame on me in the suicide note.
youre the closest thing to hell that ive ever been with
& im addicted to this shit.

 

(chorus)

 

when i look into your eyes
i see your soul.
when i fall into your eyes
i feel so cold.
& i wonder
what you see in mine.
& i wonder
what you feel from
mine.

firma

the xx makes me sad (ft. sky renee) (prod. heez)

(intro)

 

(ladies & gentlemen: mr. incredible)
(im ill. keep it real. so real. how you feel?)

 

(verse)

 

tears dripping down my face
but im a man – what a disgrace.
the floor so wet that i’m swimmin in it.
welcome to my life, try livin in it.

 

(prechorus)

 

do other people feel this much?
youre pop culture & im out of touch.
do other people feel this much?
the blood to my head gives me such a rush.

 

(chorus)

 

the xx makes me so sad
the xx makes me so sad
carrie & lowell to block out the noise
a little bit of you to fill my void.
the xx makes me so sad
the xx makes me so sad
getting higher to block out the noise
a little bit of you to fill my void.

 

(verse 2)

 

thinkin bout such & such.
my feelings making such a fuss.
i’m stoned sippin sassafrass
all the while stuck in a mental alcatraz.
you used to be dead to me
but i always felt your energy
specially when youre 2 feet next to me
i find it hard to breathe.
i got a lump in my throat cuz you’re comin thru.
savin all these memories cuz, well, it’s you.
seducin you cuz it was somethin to do.
i was a hungry 19 with something to prove.
i was a horny 19 with nothing 2 lose.
havent made a cent but stay making these grooves.
(little heez de paula out rockin the doo)
& every record label out hittin the snooze.

 

(bridge)

 

do other people feel this much?
youre pop culture & im out of touch.
do other people feel this much?
the blood to my head gives me such a rush.

 

(chorus)

 

the xx makes me so sad
the xx makes me so sad
carrie & lowell to block out the noise
a little bit of you to fill my void.
the xx makes me so sad
the xx makes me so sad
getting higher to block out the noise
a little bit of you to fill my void.

firma

dancing (prod. heez)

(verse)

seems like ages ago i know the sweetness of ur soul
i am lost in this black hole
the time i am not in the physical world its with u
im addicted to this vertigo.

 

(chorus)

 

were dancing on the edge of eternity
u got me hangin from the ledge
only god can save me.

 

(verse 2)

 

de paula go to Lolla
ball like Andre Iguodala
nada in my cranium
in my pocket just a dollar.
not a single other woman in my heart so perpetual
7fold girls this year on my testicles
ur the only one whose (presence / presents) i wake up to.
making moves aint a thing i do when im asleep with u.
what is eternity, the absence of time?
or you lost in my arms without a single (thought/thot) to find?

 

(chorus)

 

were dancing on the edge of eternity
you got me hangin from the ledge
only god can save me.

 

(verse 3)

 

where the girls with the gloves at?
where the girls with the hugs at?
i dont see em.
i don’t believe em cuz the way they let you treat em.
then you wonder why my wall is always up like Liam.
carpe diem with a Side cuz your other dude.
learned the hard way not to let the heart split in 2.
no seconds pass without you all up in my mind.
guess well talk. guess well kiss. guess well fuck another time.

 

(chorus)

 

were dancing on the edge of eternity
u got me hangin from the ledge
only god can save me.

firma

bullshittin

i was told no matter what the forests stay green
i was told that id grow up to look like charlie sheen
i was told that i would never live out my dreams
i was told that id be famous by 17

but they was bullshittin
bullshittin me
oh they was bullshittin
bullshittin me
stop bullshittin the people
its not what we need.

i was told a load of shit bout marijuana
smoked that shit for 5 years & i dont c no problem
i grew up livin round a whole lotta drama
take a look at magazines & i wanna vomit

cuz they was bullshittin
bullshittin me
oh they was bullshittin
bullshittin me
stop bullshittin the people
its not what we need.

hell & back
hell & back
thats the track record.
ever since i kicked u out im feelin way better
i dont like scary movies, but i know bout ghosts
love, love, love is what they need the most

but they was bullshittin
bullshittin me
oh they was bullshittin
bullshittin me
stop bullshittin the people
its not what we need.
firma

Slow Me Down (ft. Kiki Halliday) (prod. heez)

aint nobody gonna slow me down
aint nobody gonna slow me down
from where im goin
aint nobody gonna slow me down
aint nobody gonna slow me down
from where im goin.

no more girl chasin
no more vacation
pointless celebration
i got temptations, but i
got some more patience
me & my innovations
okay with waiting
for my time to come.

sometimes i collapse & come running back to u like the ocean.Waves
i hope ur happy now, but u cant come back to my life. Were too broken.

aint nobody gonna slow me down
aint nobody gonna slow me down
from where im goin
aint nobody gonna slow me down
aint nobody gonna slow me down
from where im goin.

they say success is the best revenge
but revenge doesnt get u friends
i would do nothing to hurt u
at least not anymore
but u tend to slow me down
thats y we aint getting down
u know otherwise i would

sometimes i collapse & come running back to u like the ocean.Waves
i hope ur happy now, but u cant come back to my life. Were too broken.

aint nobody gonna slow me down
aint nobody gonna slow me down
from where im goin
aint nobody gonna slow me down
aint nobody gonna slow me down
from where im goin.

aint nobody gonna do me better than u
but were through
but u tend to slow me down
thats y we aint getting down
u know otherwise i would

aint nobody gonna slow me down
aint nobody gonna slow me down
from where im goin
aint nobody gonna slow me down
aint nobody gonna slow me down
from where im goin

firma

The boulevard of open dreams

The boulevard of open dreams
where i give my heart & the rest just streams
straight from god 2 my mind then pen –
angels surrounding these wicked men.

i also took the road less trvelled by –
a broken soul walking on the boulevard where the dreams are open.
firma

offices

people come & go
distant conversations, a cough, loud music
the printer
all is still.
firma

theres fear in my heart when im out in the dark

theres fear in my heart when im out in the dark
and i go for a drive
then i go out & walk
on a saturday night
towards my house & its cold
this is a physical part of my soul
im scared cuz its me that i see & i feel
& theres monsters and people that might want me killed
i know that theres love & i know that theres light
but oh, to remember. that is the fight.
firma

narcissist

im a narcissist
god help me im a narcissist
me me me me
always been
will always be

you think im a narcissist & its actually true
i know cuz of u
i know cuz of u

revision 2018 i dont think this anymore
firma

i have this fire in my heart

i have this fire in my heart
that wont go away.
its part of who i am –
its meant to be this way.
a blessing and a curse, this fire in my heart.
a curse when lonely people are leagues and leagues apart.
a blessing when it doubles as fuel for how i live.
cant quite give it name –
not sure what it is. yet,
theres one thing that i know about this fire in my heart.
its mothers name is Nowhere. what a blessing.
what a start.
firma

comfortably numb.

melt my brain, melt my brain, to better form new thoughts.

melt my brain, melt my brain, to forget what ive sought.

melt my brain, melt my brain, the images are fleeting.

melt my brain, melt my brain, until you see me sleeping.

FatRollPuppySig2

Nano Sonnet.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

i wrote this poem when i was 12 or 13

 

Im lying down, falling asleep. Trying.
Trying to fly away from the worries.
The worries that cling to me everyday.
Think of the present. The only change made.

Sleep is not a question to me. To you?
It is an answer to stop the worries.
Worries of the past that cannot be solved.
Unsolvable things. Things of the past. Past.

Things that pass should not kill. young happiness.
But once you are free from things of the past,
A free man youll become. At last. At last.
firma

i exploit my emotion for words on a page

IMG_4199

 

i exploit my emotion for words on a page

i put words on a page to release my emotion

but this time around not a word or a phrase

can carry this weight as heavy as oceans

carry this wait, eternally open

 

im not at all worried or vaguely afraid

but the pit of my stomach is deep as the ocean

exploit my emotion for words on a page

i put words on a page to release my emotion

put words on a page to make peace with the ocean

 

words on a page are just words on a page

nothing less, nothing more – not even emotion

when done writing this i will set it ablaze

and sprinkle the ashes throughout the deep ocean

sprinkle emotion as deep as the ocean

firma

i dont think i can figure you out

liquor heezphoto by Brandon Canada

 

i dont think i can figure you out

let it be known i dont know you that well

are you ocean bliss or poor flopping trout?

i have my doubts

 

i dont think i can figure you out

let it be known i dont know you that well

love or cool hate youre revolving around?

i have my doubts

 

is it you or i that builds brick by brick

a wall monumental, ineffably thick

rivers between us too savage to swim

we jump across safely, but landings dont stick

 

or could it be both of us playing these tricks

only one taste of a bite or a lick

spending the night, forgetting theres day

the night treats us well, because thats when we drink

 

something, we feel but do not talk about

because honest to god one of us might get hurt

and truths never easy to wrap head around

when theres two – to seal truth – one must come forward first

 

time to stop trying to figure you out

to me youre the bliss and the love, not the trout

but if you told me youre the trout and the hate

id respond to you saying i still feel the same

 

the felt can be known & the known can be felt

so next time i see you, theres no need to talk

firma

times square is dead

times square heezphoto by kenneth benson

 
times square is dead, oh so dead
 
way deader than before
 
and in my heart i like it so
 
better without stores
 
no ads on lights or tv screens
 
for people walking round
 
to fill their heads with money schemes
 
so beaten to the ground
 
but i find light so beautiful
 
no matter place or time
 
im saddened by the barren grey
 
previously sublime.
firma

An answer i can live with

To get up time & time again or to stay down on the pavement where life flattened you?
that is the question.

life sucks. that is an answer.
life is good. that is an answer.
that is life – an answer i can live with.

A reflection on Courage for Movement BE

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On “Oshin”

DIIV-Oshin

The worst thing about nostalgia is that its an inherently subjective experience, and yet so many of us see it as a Very Specific Thing. For a lot of my generation – myself included – its summoned through memories of VHS tapes, theme parks, classroom supplies, first loves, etc. But have you ever been nostalgic for the last few years of your life? Im met with some incredulousness when I call DIIVs Oshin a “nostalgic” record, but it brings me back to a specific point in my life with such detail that it can be hard to listen to. It came out in June 2012, at the beginning of a summer that I needed saving from. I was taking classes at a school I was becoming more and more disenchanted with, and didnt really know what to do in my spare time. I was playing in a few bands and making my own music, but all my creativity felt forced, like it was for the sake of saying I was doing something. Something about Oshin fits all that. It was written by Zachary Cole Smith as an outlet for his own creativity while he was playing guitar for Beach Fossils, Soft Black and others. Hes spoken on both his krautrock obsession and drug use, and his record is pretty true to that: dreamy, impressionistic jams that either spiral downwards or sink into the couch. Its dark and anxious, but with a blanket of melody you can wrap yourself in for days. The lyrics are sparse, when you can hear them at all, although you get the sense they act as more of an added layer. Its the sound of having something to say, something to feel, but not enough energy to figure out exactly what – probably my own interpretation, but nevertheless, I related. After a whole summer, “Doused” and “Past Lives” felt like a part of me, and even now, hearing them takes me back to strolling the streets of Boston at 3am, looking for a way out. Wikipedia sez nostalgia is “a sentimentality for the past, typically a period or place with happy personal associations”. I wouldnt call it a happy time, but Oshin was definitely a place of solace for me, somewhere that I felt at the very least understood.

Ray Begleiter

it’s not that big of a deal

IMG_9143

when i was younger, my closest friends and i would obsess about understanding the world around us, what other people mean to our experience of that world, and if fate exists. now that i’m a little older than i was back then, it seems that those long talks only contributed to more confusion. i feel as if i’m most happy when experiences pass me by in a fleeting and blissful way with little afterthought.

FatRollPuppySig2

passion / reaction

IMG_9141

different places, different faces / different passions, different chases / its all the same when, youre all racing / check your egos, watch your paces / whats at stake is, not what fake is / what you take is, what you make it

FatRollPuppySig2

Social Media Addiction

I have the biggest problem with social media
I need constant approval
I need the likes
I want them
I need them
I love them
I need you to like me
I need you to like
I need you to
I need you
I need
I
Am
Alone
In my room
Staring at the wall
Perception is reality
This is all a front
At times
This is just make believe
You know…
I wonder if you might be
Just afraid as I am
For that… I need the likes
The likeminded
To really connect with me here
The like you really feel lost too
The like who am I supposed to
Please I’m begging for understanding
And meaning
Please give it to me likes
The bandwagon
Trending topic likes
Just to feel appreciated like
It’s popular like
And I’m trying feel that too
Like she needs to like this photo
Like he needs to like this photo
To know that I like you know like
His photo liked her photo like
She got a professional filter Assitant
Living in her mind
Working long shifts
Overnight
No breaks
Cheap labor like
She does not get paid for this..
Or not enough
Like he wants to pay
For a gimmick to act as tough
As this pain we hide
When we’re feeling love
And the least way possible
Like I need a hug and
To feel your touch
Mama liking all my photos
From far away ain’t doing much
I feel trapped
A world away from worlds
I’m not alive but alive
In the same world
I just want to dance.
I just want to sing
I just want to BE
Dammit I just want to BE
But I’m so caught up in its image
I can never BE
I can never see that
I give up all my power
You determine what I keep
What I delete
Here’s your receipt
Thank you for your purchase
Instant gratification
You are now entertained
And all that remains
Is well…
I
I need
I need you
I need you to
I need you to like
I need you to like me.
You ever feel this way?
Maybe I’m alone
Maybe I’m alone…
Or maybe I’m not

Nate Howard logo

Run, run, run like Rabbits

Addicted to old habits,
but theyre possible to break. We
run, run, run like rabbits
from our lives and our mistakes.

It takes discipline and courage
to face the task at hand
as silhouettes and shadows
blur the present man.

Its ok to be imperfect –
Thats a human fact.
The day youre tired of watching –
that day, you better act.

Love yourself and others
and free yourself of time.
Addiction and depression –
they both are of the mind.

A reflection on Addiction and Depression for Movement BE

Screen Shot 2015-10-23 at 12.16.12 AM

On “Future Days”

Im not gonna front like I always gave a shit about Can. Everyone told me to get into Tago Mago, I thought it was boring, I left them alone for a while. Weirdly enough, I ended up really digging Monster Movie, but I figured it was just a first-album fluke. (Isnt it funny how we believe completely unfounded ideas like that?) Im amazed at how long it took for someone to tell me that Cans records were all completely different and that they were basically the Miles Davis of rock, birthing and furthering countless subgenres during their multiple creative bursts. Future Days is their In a Silent Way, both conceptually and sonically. Conceptually, its a record in which a wild and attention-grabbing band attempts to blend into the scenery, but makes something even more interesting in the process. Sonically, its groovy and kinetic enough to get you dancing, but tame and unobtrusive enough to work as the soundtrack to a dinner party. This is serious mood music, the kind that will sound life-altering if you put it on between 6pm and 4am, and still pretty great at any other time. But most importantly, its a very personal experience. Youll find your own scenery that you associate with it. (For me, its the forest next to Hogwarts, a nice mist on the ground, around midnight. No giant spiders tho.) It seems to be this kind of line-riding music – music that works both actively and passively – that leaves the most room for the listener to bring their own experience and taste to the table. If you like Enya, this might be the funkiest album you own, and if you like Gil Scott-Heron, it might be the tamest. Its pleasant, but never boring; its a little like talking to a stranger on a train, where youre so lost in conversation you forget to ask their name before they get to their stop. After they leave, all youve got is the memory of that transcript, and youre left to your own devices to fill them in.

Ray Begleiter

Matrix & Milkshake

fairfax - afterlight edit

You cant figure me out.
I am more complicated than the most intricate matrix
Im a milkshake with ingredients: who I was, am and strive to be.

I cant figure you out.
You are more complicated than the most intricate matrix
Youre a milkshake with ingredients: who you were, are and strive to be.

Beyond the matrix and the milkshake exists the compassion and attraction we share for each other – here, thick layers of human intricacy – both sweet and bitter – dissolve into insignificance, leaving only a feeling.

You & I can figure us out
We are more complicated than the most intricate matrix
We are a milkshake made up of who we were, are and strive to be
We are simpler to solve than 2+2 and clearer than day.
firma

Feelings aren’t concrete

Feelings arent concrete. theres not one happy – one sad – one excited – and one spring feeling. i believe feelings are all on a scale of energetic vibrations that slightly varies for all of us. theres an infinite amount of unique feelings that are available to be felt down to the .00000000(you get the point)00000001 vibrational unit of measurement. words like happy, sad, excited and spring represent a narrowed-down, general area of the vibrational scale that serve as guidelines to help us roughly understand each other.
firma

On “The Unforgettable Fire”

Ive already accepted that some people arent reading this because of the title. U2 have been my favorite band since I was a kid, and after sticking with them through Vertigo and all that, I realized that a lot of people just hate them for whatever reason. I dont have some deep explanation for liking them so much – my earliest memory of music is hearing The Joshua Tree when I was four or five, and I just never stopped listening to them. But as I get older, I keep coming back to The Unforgettable Fire, because its basically a post-rock album. (Ive been saying this for a very long time and it still sounds like a hot take.) Lemme explain: In 1984, U2 were just below superstar status, and were going through the kind of existential crisis endemic to young idealists who are suddenly given a lot of fame and money. So they called in Brian Eno, whose rock-production roster at the time consisted of Talking Heads and The Penguin Cafe Orchestra – not exactly the direction that Island was looking for them to go in. And yeah, their partnership with Eno was so successful that he produced most their records from that point forward (including The Joshua Tree), but The Unforgettable Fire still stands out as the most Eno-y. Its kind of what would happen if you took a super-melodic post-punk band (U2 ca. 1983) and stretched their songs out into near-formless jams, then let them marinate in some insane reverb and delay for a week. Pride (In the Name of Love) sounds like an art-pop band trying their hardest to write a standard U2 song, and it totally rips. Bad is sort of a tribute to the Velvet Underground tune Heroin, but its actually Explosions in the Sky 15 years before Explosions in the Sky. Theres even Enos trademark song-recorded-as-a-jam-while-the-musicians-didnt-know-he-was-recording! (4th of July.) Think about how rare this is: Mega-big rock band lets weirdo ambient producer take the reins of their album, he completely reshapes their sound, and it totally fucking works and they get even more popular. Thats what youve got on your hands here. More to the point though, its just beautiful. This is some of the most unique and life-affirming music youll ever get out of a rock band, and it never gets too cheesy or too out-there. Its perfect. A+. 10.0 BNR. (Side note: If youre reading this and you still hate this band, watch their performance of Bad from Live Aid and get back to me. Dont tell me you dont wish you were that girl.)

Ray Begleiter

Aesthetic Fleek God

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I am the Aesthetic Fleek God
Its cuz I fleek lots
People they start taking cheap shots
They wearing Reeboks
I am the Aesthetic Fleek God
Even in flip-flops
People they stay taking weak shots
Aimed at my deep thoughts.

Try and compare to the old me
Just what you told me
Gonna end up bagging groceries
if they dont love me
I am the Aesthetic Fleek God
I gotta Jihad
I am out of your control now
Im on a roll now
You are the Aesthetic Weak Nah
Its been a week now
Living the life that I seek now
Im talking right now. You
gotta get out of your seat now
like you cant read that. Oh
man I can really compete now
Its been a week now.

I am the Aesthetic Fleek God
Its cuz I fleek lots
People they start taking cheap shots
They wearing Reeboks
I am the Aesthetic Fleek God
Even in flip-flops
People they stay taking weak shots
Aimed at my deep thoughts.

I am the one that you speak bout. Turn
the other cheek now. The
only beef I have with me now –
is bout the rebound. A
million degrees with the heat wow
Oh she a freak now
I gotta get out of this heat now
before I freak out
I am the Aesthetic Fleek God. The
one that they peak bout
You are the Aesthetic Weak Nah. You
know that they feel dat
Im gonna start wearing Reeboks
Oh what a Vida
Man I can finally breathe now
Its been a week now.

I am the Aesthetic Fleek God
Its cuz I fleek lots
People they start taking cheap shots
They wearing Reeboks
I am the Aesthetic Fleek God
Even in flip-flops
People they stay taking weak shots
Aimed at my deep thoughts.

Out of control on the deep web. Not
looking for street cred. I
got all the time that I need dead – or
inebriated
I am the one that you speak bout
with your big mouth
No time to lose Im a beast now
When I unleash, ouch. By the
time you read this hits on hits now. Ro
lex on the wrist now. By
no means is it time to rest now
Better believe dat
This is your sixth foul, sit out
Been bout a week now
Haters – I flick em like dust flies
And you know why? Cuz

I am the Aesthetic Fleek God
Its cuz I fleek lots
People they start taking cheap shots
They wearing Reeboks
I am the Aesthetic Fleek God
Even in flip-flops
People they stay taking weak shots
Aimed at my deep thoughts.

firma

Feelings don’t die

photo (7)

photo by Beverly Des

Feelings dont die. they fade in and out like the seasons. they hibernate like bears – but bears die. feelings are tricky sons of bitches. they hide and they hide, but they never die. and when you least expect it, they scare you from behind, making you jump in fright – only to see a familiar face when you finally turn around.

Feelings are like faces. when youve been around a face for long enough, youll remember it when you see it again. likewise, feelings that have been around long enough in the past are instantly recognizable when they come back.

Feelings have triggers. Triggers can range from places to words to actions to specific people and works of art. if you learn to recognize the things that trigger the feelings, you can choose which triggers to separate yourself from and which triggers to move towards with caution – whatever your gut says. but regardless, theres nothing we can do to avoid feelings. thats ok. watch them fade in and out like waves on the beach.firma

The Grim Reaper’s Head

Fear disappears when you steer right through him, colliding with the force of an 18-wheeler t-bone crash. Unabashedly bash until one of yous dead and the grim reaper sleeps right next to his own head.

firma

On “Carrie & Lowell”

Im writing this in October 2015. Carrie & Lowell, Sufjan Stevens seventh album, came out in March of this year, and has already been reviewed, analyzed, and loved to death. Im not here to do that. My friend Regina told me about this one around July, with a warning that I should probably wait until Im in a really good mood to listen. I did, and it didnt matter. I put it on during a long car ride from one side of LA County to the other, and was instantly hit by how… pretty it was. I had heard a lot about the now famous concept, Sufjan writing songs for his mentally ill mother and a host of other important people in his life,so I was surprised to be hearing genuinely beautiful, almost joyful tunes about childhood abandonment and suicidal thoughts. As the record went on, it started to feel more and more like a coping mechanism; when life gives you lemons, make the sweetest lemonade you can and spike it with whiskey. Its a relatable process, one that takes the highly specific subject matter and turns it into a universal struggle. So relatable that I couldnt finish the record. Around halfway through, I pulled off of the freeway, stopped the album and just sat in my car for a while. I dont think I cried, but I felt physically and emotionally spent in a way thats hard to achieve through music. To be honest, Ive still only made it through the whole thing once or twice. Thats why its my favorite album of the year. Enjoyable music is easy to make. Im not saying theres no craft to it, but theres a lot of it around and you can spend a whole day inside it if you want to. Whats harder to come by is genuinely moving music, music that shakes you to your core, for better or for worse. I can probably count on one hand the number of albums this decade that have really done that for me, and Carrie & Lowell probably hits the hardest. Its easy to forget that a sound wave stimulating your ear drum and sending signals to your brain can do more than just give you a simple form of joy. It can wreck your fucking day if it wants to. I sure as hell cant listen to this record if Im in any kind of off mood, but at the right times, it serves as a reminder that a series of sounds/songs/words can cut down to the very essence of our being.

Ray Begleiter

Flying Turtles

Break me out of my turtle shell!
Turtle shells weight drags me slowly down infinity road.
Break me out of my turtle shell!
Let me climb the tallest trees to then jump off and spread my wings so I can soar forevermore and let out grandiose Eagle screams.
Break me out of my turtle shell!
By not wearing protection, my joy will be great. but surely I will die at predators hands.

Let me die naked.
Turtles with shells dont fly or climb trees.

firma

Clumps

What do you seek when you peek in a mirror?
Is it a clearer understanding of your true self?
Or rather you forgot, and need a refresher
on the aesthetic status of a clump of molecules one calls (insert name here)?

New Doc 12_3

 

firmas

Ladybird

the time is now
for the ladybirds flight
in the nest too long
she waves it goodbye
10 feet from the nest, she encounters a creek
with the sweetest fresh water she ever could keep
but theres creeks up and down this rickety road
theres exploring to do, places to go
as much as the creek wants to share all its fresh springs
with the ladybird that has not flexed all her wings

watch the ladybird swim, hear the ladybird sing
quench the ladybirds thirst and live life like a king

ladybird, go find you in these faraway lakes
drink from more waters, acquire your taste
true too that there could be a new ladybird
enjoying my drink on your final return

Ladybird
firma

if the moon caREs about Me

heez blue blur

photo by Casey Astorino

Part 1 (September 26, 2015 // 3:24am)

Theres a balance between chasing what you want and being happy. When youre feeling crappy, light one, pour one. tomorrow comes rapidly. circles keep cycling. nothing changes all a sudden. ready 2 die in my ears while im writing. everybody keeps fighting, but they also stay hiding.

i look up at the moon and its staring back at me. i tell her that shes beautiful. she tells me that im small. i tell her that shes old. she tells me that shes youthful. most perfectly placed freckle that the skies were ever blessed with. the only resource that humans barely mess with. but somewhere on that rock: red, blue and white wave at me, so i wave back – no wind to keep the fabric flapping.

i shoot that high, but know not bout building spaceships. what would be the point if i wasnt trying to say shit. theres only so much to say that hasnt been said yet. maybe more start listening, talkings overrated. its crazy how much time we spend chasing the paycheck. am i dead yet? no. too many words i havent read yet.

trying to figure out if my life makes sense or jabberwocky. going on a quest to find out if the moon caREs about Me… (to be cont.)

firma

fairweather

fairweather
raise the tips of your hair weather
when you begin to care weather
get you out of your chair weather
when theyre all in your head weather
all eyes on what they said weather
i know weather thats way better

winter, spring, summer, fall
i want it all
firma

the crushing weight of everything you’ve ever experienced

i see you collapsing under the crushing weight of everything youve ever experienced. your expressions are forlorn – head tilted down. hugs are hesitant, not for lack of want, but for fear of not being wanted. this tender, delicate state calls for compassion, understanding and equally delicate care. i know firsthand that i am not the solution to your inner struggle – but i do not intend to heighten any sort of pain either. i care about you and your well-being. i am here for you as others have been for me when they were strong and i was weak. i choose to do this by focusing on light, especially in your presence.
firma

Memories

My memories start to feel like past lives
Riding the ripples of simple actions
Ghosts of random occurrences through the eye of chaos
Rescued like photographs by highly complex organic matter
Memory Loss

firmas

Ode to Drake and Future

What a time to be alive
What a time to live a lie
What a time to speak the truth
What a time for troubled youth
What a time to be yourself
What a time for mental health
What a time for Western Skies
What a time to be alive
firma

i am not honest

Honesty rests beneath the white foam on Pacific waves.
Above the forresty hills of Augora sunsets-
and between the invisible, face-splashing energy of highway joyrides,
i am not honest. do you believe me?

Do you believe me? i am not honest.
Between the invisible, face-splashing energy of highway joyrides-
and above the forresty hills of Augora sunsets,
honesty rests beneath the white foam on Pacific waves.
firma

Close Ones lyrics

In Helens home, a lavish spanish courtyard –
she drags out late mornings to sunset soaked afternoons.
On her cheap, classical guitar and honeydew voice –
her conviction seeps fountains of salty water onto my hands.

feeling unconditional love for my close ones
feeling unconditional love for my close ones
in this moment
every emotion in one

In Helens home, a one bedroom apartment –
she waters the flowers of her lips on the soil of my face and neck.
On her black pearl keys with merciful hands –
her rendition of Vienna pours buckets of salty water like falling gems.

feeling unconditional love for my close ones
feeling unconditional love for my close ones
in this moment
every emotion in one

regain my innocence
relearn how to love
feel like a kid again
relearn how to live

feeling unconditional love for my close ones
feeling unconditional love for my close ones
in this moment
every emotion in one

firma

chillin’

IMG_7351 copy

 

summer is almost over. i dont know where it went. a lot of good chillin’ happened. not bad if you ask me. if you were to ask someone else, youd probably get a different answer.

FatRollPuppySig2

Any Colour You Bite

with every day comes a brand new episode
heaven floats above the surface, but its not a boat
its not a joke – i gota million lines to prove it, man
a hundred pretty women come to me looking for superman
im in japan stealing jam to bring it back to uncle sam
posting pics with justin bieber straight to buddahs instagram
here i am, trying to flip over the universe
with every verse i write i leave you both a blessing and a curse
disperse other creatives inspiration till they full-submerge
intensely merge immersion and inertia through the craft of words
you cant stop me, im unstoppable like stolen time
im so over time. thats why i work overtime
my only real friend is a creeping lonely poltergeist
skrillex laid a thousand eggs since nice monsters / scary sprites
if im truly sorry – only time i will apologize
drank since age 16 so my brain is prolly very fried

been sad a lot of times so my eyes are truly justified –
for many times i cried a million tears, melting ice
been sad a lot of times so my eyes are truly justified –
for many times i cried a million tears and survived
firma

treading water

spending your whole life constantly putting in effort to not be alone is like spending your whole life treading water to keep your head above the surface. that sounds terrible.
firma

buckets of steel

do as you think and do as you feel
if you want to live life in the context of real
because if you dont, you wont even float
youll sink to the bottom like buckets of steel
firma

small deals

nothing is ever as big of a deal as i think
million dollar deals are more like lemonade stand sales
black jack deals are more like pairs of 2s
a big deal is a medium deal and a medium – a small
and a small deal? a small deal is damn-well near nothing at all
firma

little events

i hear the high pitched whistle of kitchen machines
and the fake conversations of abandoned dreams
i see the sad loss of life in technology
the only thing i feel is inside of me
i smell the alluring smell of hot sandwiches
i already ate, but i begin to taste victory
all of this i sense
in a little cafe of little events
firma

Live & Entertain

Entertain notions deserving your brain.
Live on the brink of vertigo lane.
Entertain people who smile at your sight.
Live in the city of blinding white light.
firma

the space between dreams and nightmares

flirting with change i ride the wave.
irrepressible bursts of liquid flame –
reach into my stomach and head and toes –
and tingle the depths of my heavy soul.
tears rush to my glands but stop at the exit.
both heaven and hell remain sympathetic.
im awake. im alive. im excited. im scared –
that theres no space at all between dreams and nightmares.
firma

the full body butterflies

Having to take deep breaths to calm my emotions. A tingly lightness spreads from my head to my toes, most pronounced in my head, heart and stomach. Tears rush to my glands, but decide to stop right before they reach their exit. I intensely feel my body curling up. Sometimes the butterflies feel great, but the full body ones are full of fear and insecurity.

She has the ability to cause emotional reactions in me that few people can.
I have the ability to cause emotional reactions in me that few people can.

Im awake. Im alive. Im excited. Im scared.

Im scared to get hurt. Im scared to move backwards. Im scared of losing her. Im scared of thinking I love you. Im scared of saying I love you. Im scared I dont know what love is. Im scared that what i feel as love is actually something volatile. Im scared of the sex. Im scared of my ability to go from apathetic to passionate at the flip of a switch. Im scared to love people who havent yet learned how to love themselves. Im scared to lose myself to love. Im scared of giving away too much. Im scared to be vulnerable.

But I must go on – I cant cower in fear, and I must risk again and again, otherwise Ill never know if Ive found someone special. Thats the only way. I now understand the tingly lightness that currently resides in the space between my head and my toes.
firma

in the face of temptation

temptation

 

as we grow older, experiences solidify the way we perceive our actions as a reflection of our true selves. temptation can be a sneaky thing that will topple our ‘jenga’ tower of fortitude.

FatRollPuppySig2

no competition

Theres no competition when you pave your own path
At last – free from the masses – evade paying taxes then you run off
This is a run on – till someone, comes along and says cmon
What could you run from? Im on it

Theres no competition when you pave your own path
You laugh – but Im kicking your ass – you talk all that jazz and then you run off
I know Im talking to someone that gets it –
Im no detective but I shoot my gun off

Theres no competition when you pave your own path – do the math
The wrath inside you proliferates just as it dissipates
I commiserate with everyone – cuz everyone is anyone
You could do it like everyone, but if you have a dream then sell me one
This isnt any fun like the night you turn 21
Feeling fresh like some vapor rub, better give me a belly rub (Buddah)
Gotta strike like a renegade – who always draws ace of spades – ramming through heavens gates – even though youre afraid
Known this since my later teens
Cooking up crazy dreams
Constantly plotting schemes
My turn to go off

Theres no competition when you pave your own path
firma

innovation & procreation

theres a relationship that one should be aware of between the desire to innovate and the desire to procreate.

the desire to innovate can be a very large, powerful factor in your life. it may hold a permanent residency in the back of your mind, especially if you already have a project you are passionately developing. i find myself constantly thinking of ways and situations that can further my project – how can i reach more people? how can i make this bigger? how can i make this better? its a love that drives me. it fills me with purpose and gives my life meaning. im talking, of course, about the desire to innovate. to create. to follow my own light.

on the other hand, we got the desire to procreate. at the end of the day, we ARE still animals. nature wants us to procreate, to leave a seed behind so that, while we may be leaving this world, a physical piece of us will remain on earth. sometimes, a certain special someone comes along and hits you with the Arctic Monkeys style ooh la la. This can be a totally overwhelming sensation that takes over both your mind and body. The butterflies, the tingles, the lightness. These are all things that happen to us when we get hit with the ooh la la. i believe its nature telling us that its time to procreate (even though society has found ways to circumvent literal procreation)

That ooh la la feeling grounded in the desire to procreate is very different from the sensation stemming from the desire to innovate. While the desire to procreate generates a much more potent sensation, it also usually lasts a much shorter time than the sensation from the desire to innovate, which lasts exponentially longer for a motivated creator. Think of the ooh la la feeling as a sprint and the urge to create as a long distance run.

When the ooh la la feeling is in full force, my desire to innovate and create reaches a peak, prolifically bringing out all my feelings into tangible form. when the ooh la la feeling loses its momentum, the creative juices may die down a bit with it, but they always stay alive.

i must admit that a fear of mine used to be that the desire to procreate would act as water to the fire that is my desire to innovate. i think the key is to keep a balance in mind so that the ooh la la feeling never has the chance to completely take over what is a strong and persistent, yet less potent feeling in the desire to innovate. Many dreams end when someone meets their future spouse and then chooses a life dedicated to the other person instead of a more balanced life that keeps their dreams involved. My advice to myself and to other creatives is to use the desire to procreate to boost creativity and not kill it.

if the desire to innovate and the desire to procreate were on a graph, ideally i would want them to be a flat line and when procreation peaks, innovation peaks equally. i never want the innovation line to ever fall below its base value.

firma

The 3 Elements of Creative Drive

Journey

To create great art we have to be courageous by facing our biggest fears. That involves diving within ourselves and exploring the deeply entrenched complications that have been piling up inside of us since birth. This inward journey takes years and years to cultivate and then manifest into great art. Doing this right creates a final product that has the power to heal ourselves as well as other people.

Sacrifice

Im alone instead of hanging out. All my roommates are outside drinking beers, kicking a soccer ball around and Im upstairs writing. The question is: why? Why do motivated creative people sacrifice so much in order to get to the level they want to get to? Maybe because the reward is unquantifiable.

Reward

My dad always said musicians get the loudest applause – people applaud, because you give them someone to relate to and something that makes them feel not alone. They applaud, because you have chosen one of the hardest possible paths you can take in life and came out of it on top. Thats why they clap for you. You were able to do this, not only because you were able to take a sincere look inside of yourself, but also because you were strong enough to share what you found with other people. Artists that have successfully shifted culture get the loudest applause, not because the fans love the artists as people, but because these artists have succeeded at helping fans find a little truth within themselves. I believe that this reaction towards your work can create one of the most fulfilling feelings in an artist, because it indicates that you have successfully accomplished what you set out to do. Naturally, the biggest reward generally requires the longest journey and hardest sacrifice.

firma

the dopest kid i’ll ever be

Screens all around me. voices are limited. its like silence is encouraged and speech is prohibited. my mind ive visited, but now im listening. fear of the intimate is pretty strange isnt it?
———————————————-
intimate dreams fill my brain with dopamine. sober as a rubber duck – she never will be over me. a rubber duck that gave no fucks told Macklemore to say wut wut – the radio all on his nuts. sold out for just a couple bucks. enough of him – its on to me – the dopest kid ill ever be. abuse coffee for energy. burnt out is what ill never be.
———————————————-
sitting on a southwest plane – a migraine all up in my brain. my ears about to pop like cork. i think i got life figured out. the party got me livered out. her love is like a river now. the ex must be all bitter now. who wants to be bon iver now?
———————————————-
hipsters worse than bully jocks who bully nerds with polka socks. they think they left the cycle now, but they just moved it somewhere else. water all up in my cells. with out em id be someone else. without em id be no one else. the best advice is ask for help.
firma

3

celibacy.monogamy. polygamy. which of the 3. celibacy.monogamy. polygamy. which of the 3. celibacy.monogamy. polygamy. which of the 3. celibacy.monogamy. polygamy. which of the 3. celibacy.monogamy. polygamy. which of the 3. celibacy.monogamy. polygamy. which of the 3. celibacy.monogamy. polygamy. which of the 3. celibacy.monogamy. polygamy. which of the 3. celibacy.monogamy. polygamy. which of the 3. celibacy.monogamy. polygamy. which of the 3. celibacy.monogamy. polygamy. which of the 3. celibacy.monogamy. polygamy. which of the 3. celibacy.monogamy. polygamy. which of the 3. celibacy.monogamy. polygamy. which of the 3. celibacy.monogamy. polygamy. which of the 3. celibacy.monogamy. polygamy. which of the 3. celibacy.monogamy. polygamy. which of the 3. celibacy.monogamy. polygamy. which of the 3.

firma

i don’t know what to say to you

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firma

pink floyd thoughtz

Few albums out there really hit home these days – too many hungry kids that wallow in self-righteous creations fail to find their own driving force capable of blasting them from the claustrophobic hole theyre stuck in and far past glass ceilings into the sparse depths of the universe. Thats probably how its always been, but now everything is so cluttered that i find it hard to cut through the noise

firma

After Hours

After hours when everyone is asleep, I have more space to think and to be, to create and be free. These are my best hours.

firma

A Thousand Flowers

I could give love to a thousand flowers, but theres not enough hours – plus they would fight over which would get watered. A struggle for power – love hangs from a wire

firma

jokes about me lyrics

august 2014. jokes about me lyrics.

i remember cool kids cruel
i remember the golden rule
i remember her pretty face
i remember her soft embrace

and i think about it all the time
and i think about it as a crime
and id be lying if i said im fine
cuz all i wanna do is lose my mind

i remember jokes about me
i remember their jealousy
and i dont even care if im being a pussy
cuz either way it influenced me

and i think about it all the time
and i think about it as a crime
and id be lying if i said im fine
cuz all i wanna do is lose my mind

hes an asshole
youre a douchebag, yeah
shes the prettiest, the prettiest girl i know

and i think about it all the time
and i think about it as a crime
and id be lying if i said im fine
cuz all i wanna do is lose my mind
x 2

i wonder if she
remembers when we used to
fuck
firma

dallas thoughtz i

Its weird knowing Im about to jump into a very different phase in my life. Its exciting, but Im also nervous that I will have too much going on. The thought of stacking too much on my plate can only be counteracted by taking it one day at a time.

I feel that recently my writing is going around in circles. Im doubting myself. Is it good? Is it this? Is it that? Its sporadic for sure. What am I trying to get at? Its exhausting. Im exhausted by the thoughts in my head. Thats why sleep is so amazing – because the incessant thoughts are diluted into a different, perhaps more relaxed state of consciousness.

I am fascinated with the idea of dreams. Where do they come from? What makes me dream certain things on certain nights? Do my dreams affect the way I start my day the next day?

Morning thoughts are the worst. Its like as soon as I wake up, they ambush me. Day in and day out I have to fight them off. Or maybe, dreams are so good that morning thoughts suck, because they come literally right after dreams. Its like the opening band putting on a way doper show than the headlining act.
firma

Revenue Residue

Revenue residue that will trickle down to you, all thats left to comfort you. Is that what you want to flaunt? Do you want to ephemerally survive off of cosigns and blatant power strategy or forever thrive off the strength of the outright nature of what you do?

firma

Viewer 1,258,306

family tv heez

Dear Viewers 1,258,301 & 1,258,302,

i hope you understand that you’re witnessing the future. the image on the screen occurred on August 12th, 2015. im taking a picture of myself on a security camera monitor with an i phone. an i phone is a device that connects you to the rest of the world at all times. im wearing a nirvana t-shirt. nirvana is a grunge rock band that exploded with energy fueled by uncontainable emotion. nirvana was formed 20 years before the first i phone was released. the woman with the curly hair behind me is my mom. shes buying me some new nike running shoes, because she said my old ones were too worn down. nike is an athletic apparel company formed in oregon on january 25th, 1964, which is today for you guys. nike is also the greek goddess of victory, but its possible you already knew that. my mom is not only on your screen, but also in your presence right now. she is one of you. she is sitting on your lap looking at her son and at her adult-self on the screen. she now currently owns an i phone, but doesnt really love nirvana all that much. thought youd like to know a couple minor details about the daughter that you will continue to raise.

Sincerely,

H.D.P.

heez, clarence

Logistical Nightmare

kohls heez

I meet so many fresh faces in a lifetime – such good people that I want to dedicate a whole lifetime to each one, gaining a full understanding of their perspective and helping them reach their highest potential. i wish i could be a bigger part of their lives, but theres just not enough time. lifes a logistical nightmare for developing and maintaining relationships. You gotta make their time with you as enjoyable as you can while youre with them, because you frankly dont know if youll ever see them again – if you do this, theyre way more likely to remember you.


firma

untitled couch confession / career prospects

careerprospects

trying to find motivation to create. trying to find motivation to read, write, vote, work, smoke, drink, buy a new shirt, clean up my act, saturate the markets, find a new way, learn from the old ways, focus on the right things, lead the noble path, leave a shadowy trail, pursue the unimaginable, achieve the tangible, figure out what the tangible is.

FatRollPuppySig2

adrenaline tolerance

IMG_6519.JPG

this is a still from the movie The Hurt Locker. i love films, but recently i’ve had to up the insanity in things that occupy me to get my mind to stop racing. what caught my eye about this still is the moment of calm caught within a world of chaos.

FatRollPuppySig2

RAGE // APATHY SUCKS

There’s this rage inside me that is usually successfully stowed away in a cage, but sometimes it comes out. it came out just now – i’m breathing heavy, my face is flushed, my heart is pumping, adrenaline is oozing out of my sweat glands or whatever you call them. THIS WHOLE POST SHOULD BE IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS AND EXCLAMATION MARKS BUT i’M SANE ENOUGH TO KNOW HOW OBNOXIOUS THAT WOULD BE!!!!!!! It honestly feels good to know i can get this worked up over something again. APATHY SUCKS. i’m actually excited about this recent wave of RAGE. i’m mad because i recognized something was fucked up and i was like “you know what? I’m not gonna stay silent”. i hope i react like this more often when i run into stuff that irks me. i’m a fighter. in THIS specific moment, i know what I believe and i have full confidence in the integrity of what i believe and so i’m gonna face the issue head on and i don’t give one single fuck about the repercussions i could face in the process. i think i’m actually creating good karma for myself here, what do you think? i acted out harshly, but respectfully. Most importantly, I acted out based on truth. It felt quite good. Yaaaay raaaage!
firma

i won’t be stopped

keystone heez

i can’t be stopped
i’m like a maserati with broken brakes
i’m like a rocket through heavens gates
i’m like a rock star unphased by hate
i can’t be stopped

i can’t be stopped
take it or leave it – that won’t stop me
love it or hate it – that won’t stop me
ignore it or see it – that won’t stop me
i can’t be stopped

i can’t be stopped
death itself can’t stop my momentum, much like the aquatic depths that took the pebble can’t stop the ripple that will go on forever

i can’t be stopped for one simple reason:
i really really really don’t wanna be stopped –
so i won’t be

feel free to try though

firma

change and its many changes

feelings are inexpressible
my words are their shadows
i hope they create feelings in you
but i can’t pass out exact replicas of my own
i can only pass out shadows, which is a good enough guide
maybe if you feel as i feel, you won’t feel as alone

please don’t take my words too literally
they’re just letters pieced together that came and went
like shadows come and go
you are much more than that
a hell of a lot more than a shadow
TRUST.
firma

Drama Queen

what if you’re a drama queen
what if all you were was a drama queen

what if your kisses weren’t real
clinging to a thirst for the ideal
what if your words were out of fear
what if you just told me what I wanted to hear

what if you’re a drama queen
what if all you were was a drama queen

what if I just disappeared
would you not have found a different set of ears
what if I had told you that I loved you
would you have liked that souvenir

what if you’re a drama queen
what if all you were was a drama queen

If all you were was that, I get it. You couldn’t help it.
If that’s the case, then nothing’s changed. I don’t regret it
And after all, doesn’t being young require being reckless
If you’re the queen, then I’m the fiend and both of us are selfish

what if you’re a drama queen
what if all you were was a drama queen
what if you’re a drama queen
what if all you were was a drama queen
firma

Dynamite Fuse

When I was young I lit the dynamite fuse
Through twists and falls it travels
Further and further
Shedding tiny stars

When I was young I lit the dynamite fuse
I can’t wait for the fire show
The magnificent fire show
That will surely happen

When I was young I lit the dynamite fuse
Sometimes it sputters dead
I work hard to get a sufficient flicker
And off it goes again

When I was young I lit the dynamite fuse
Years and years go by
I grow tired and plunge into sorrow
Deprived of my fire show

But then I realize, and grow happy once more
There is no dynamite
And find my fire show
As I marvel at the dynamite fuse

image

saltless green beans

sailor heez

no one should take themselves too seriously. that’s when people get in trouble. we’re just passing by. here today, gone tomorrow. if your heart knows sorrow then try to borrow from the simple things every once in a while.

big money will be nice, but i’ll be happy with it, because of how i got there, and not because i got there.

i don’t know where your head is at, but i’m just a dude sitting on a chair with his shirt off in Oxnard, California by the beach getting a little sun.

i don’t wanna leave much inside of me so i’m powering through writer’s block.
i don’t wanna feel bland like green beans straight out the box with no salt.

i’m grateful and joyful that i’m doing everything my way.  i don’t compromise for anyone else. i don’t compromise for everyone else. it’s a longer road, but a much more rewarding road. it’s great that a couple people begin to see and believe in this vision.

having more of a routine must provide some sense of comfort or instant gratification. personally, every day i’m wandering through a desert or a lake or a rainforest going around in circles like a moron, but a courageous moron if you’ll allow me to flatter myself real quick.

i don’t wanna leave much inside of me so i’m powering through writer’s block.
i don’t wanna feel bland like green beans straight out the box with no salt.

wow – i must be really A.D.D. to come up with this shit. who even writes like this anymore? no one ever wrote like this. 2015 – what a weird year to be alive. i got another day to survive. what happened to Mary J. Blige?

i just keep putting one foot in front of the other. i visualize the highway a hundred feet ahead of me, but i am also constantly aware of the horizon. i look back at this past year and i see so much progress – i’ll take a moment to pat myself on the back.

i don’t wanna leave much inside of me so i’m powering through writer’s block.
i don’t wanna feel bland like green beans straight out the box with no salt.

i don’t edit much. i just write down the next word and the next sentence that flows through me. i value spontaneity – i find that those are often the best, rawest ideas.

i’m here to do something extraordinary. i want to constantly find myself and put myself out there as much as possible, help other people find themselves too and, above all, make people smile. i want to live an exciting life in which i’m never sure where it’s gonna turn next.

i don’t wanna leave much inside of me so i’m powering through writer’s block.
i don’t wanna feel bland like green beans straight out the box with no salt.

peach cobbler put an end to this string of seemingly unrelated ideas

heez, clarence

the beauty of words

arctic heez

what shall i find beauty in next?
there’s gotta be something else
to fill me with an abundance of ideas and creative outflow

i’d write about the sun, but everyone does that
i’d write about the stars, but everyone does that
variations of the same topics perpetually remain at the forefront of our artistic consumption
that’s cool – there’s nothing wrong with that
but i’m looking for something else

do i really have to bear the burden of getting so close to the core of something that i’m constantly getting burnt in order to create at my highest potential?
so far that seems to be the case

i don’t wanna talk about perception
i don’t wanna talk about reality
that’s boring
i don’t wanna talk about light
i don’t wanna talk about dark
that’s beaten to the ground

should i talk about my favorite artists?
no. i wanna be my favorite artist
maybe i’ll talk about myself then
maybe others will relate then
i guess i’ll just pretend when –
something pulls me in again –
that i’m still me again

firma

A Firework Frozen in Time

I'm Hank Moody
A firework frozen in time
so fragile it could break like icicles at the touch of a hammer
banter floats along its sharpest edges
unseen by naked eyes, yet wind – the most naked of them all –
captures every wave of mediocre conversation

A firework frozen in time
so beautiful it could devour the prettiest roses that orbit its vicinity
divinity floats along its brightest center
unheard by keenest ears, yet wind – the keenest of them all –
captures every wave of infinite complexion

A firework frozen in time
so sweet, the most talented bees flock year round to suck its nectar
ember floats along its most fruitful crevices
unfelt by sensitive fingers, yet wind – the most sensitive of them all –
captures every wave of painful and pleasant burning sensation

A firework frozen in time
so outlandish, the most famous explorers never conquered its goldmine
sunshine floats along its darkest corners
untasted by travelled tongues, yet wind – the most travelled of them all –
captures every wave of amazing life and growth

so i guess i’ll begin to befriend the wind – perhaps woo it with rhyme – so i too can one day – capture a firework frozen in time

firma

on the road // progress over health

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being involved in a passion project is insane. nothing else matters – almost; sometimes its hard to balance other priorities. the hope is that everything pays off in the end – however the journey will have a payoff in itself. the more learned we become the more prepared we are to tackle fresh challenges in the future. i wish there wasn’t such a sharp discrepancy between the external and the internal. i want to be able to combine the two and achieve a more taught control over the elements in my life. with every new song, a new metaphor of balance, time, and complementary moving parts is formed.

FatRollPuppySig2

California on My Mind

my love for youCalifornia on my mind
California on my mind
Driving down the same highway
With a different girl this time around

California on my mind
But still i don’t know where to go
Sure as hell don’t know if i should answer you or not
Your skin pale as snow

i hope you know how great you make me feel
But since we’re not life must go on
And California’s staying on my mind
And you’re not running all that far behind

love is a word that has no meaning
Or at least i don’t know what the fuck it means to me
But someone way up there is grinning
At where you fit between my dreams

If I’m 14 again i’m crazy
But that’s the purest love has felt
In love with the world and all its adventures
Oblivious that hearts and bodies melt

i hope you know how great you make me feel
But since we’re not life must go on
And California’s staying on my mind
And you’re not running all that far behind

You are human
You are human
You are human
You are human

i hope you know how great you make me feel
But since we’re not life must go on
And California’s staying on my mind
And you’re not running all that far behind

firma

III

100 million thoughts in my diaphragm

telling me in the end i am just a man

stuck with you in a fantasy land

you’re a stone cold statue in a hologram

firma

 

road trippin’

“Road trippin’ with my two favorite allies
Fully loaded we got snacks and supplies
It’s time to leave this town
It’s time to steal away
Let’s go get lost
Anywhere in the U.S.A.”

FatRollPuppySig2

whatever dude

Everything is so big that everything is so small. i’m nothing at all. beyond these walls.

firma

it’s 2:43 am and i’m tired so i’m going to sleep

i’m drawing a blank. There’s a ton inside me right now, but i don’t even know where to begin. i just saw this movie – eternal sunshine of the spotless mind – and it made me feel a lot of different emotions that i can’t quite pinpoint. i’m feeling mind fucked right now. it was kind of beautiful, because at the end i realize the point the movie is making – in time, humans are gonna find things about each other that they don’t like or find to be optimal, especially when they identify on a deep level with that person. What the movie is saying is: who cares – you both obviously like and care about each other. Don’t miss out on the opportunity to make each other happy due to the fact that neither of you fit the perfect description that your minds had already drawn out. No one ever will. And also (a little addition of my own) if you didn’t miss out on that opportunity, then don’t miss out on the opportunity to know and remember the feeling, no matter how messed up the situation seems on the outside.

firma

American Beauty (2015) / The Hangover

In the morning, i’m back to square zero. Decisiveness now seems like a distant relative. What’s up with all this hellishness? i’m on the cusp of way too sensitive. Emotional embellishment. Don’t know where my bravado went. I’m hesitant – dragged down by all this sentiment. Sentient beings, resident in heaven’s gates – the same one’s working a job boring as embassies. My heart stretches the seven seas. Sometimes i breathe, sometimes i heave. Where on earth goes all my energy? How do the wind and sun just enter me? A centipede crawls backwards towards the ocean reef and finds some beef, but keeps that one encounter brief to hide it’s grief that beef was not in fact a leaf.

firma

American Beauty (2015)

Sometimes the answer is right there on a golden platter, but you are blinded by what SEEMS to be right in front of you. Sometimes, what is right in front of you, is really nothing at all – an illusion that’s pretending to be your reality. If you could just take one moment to step back from it with a completely unbiased perspective, you might see exactly what you need to do. instead of dragging something out for an unnecessary amount of time, get it over with. Make the tough decision – Make it quick, because life’s too short to be slowed down by illusions. Pull through with it in the morning even if you made up your mind about it at night when it’s much easier to be bold. Stand up for yourself – don’t be pushed around by your own attachment to the ideal, which is really nothing but drudgery. I can’t say i live by this all the time – after all, i AM human. but i do believe it. All it takes is one choice to get the ball rolling – and who knows if it will ever stop?

firma

unbridled

hardtosay

hard to say if i’m losing control or if i never had control in the 1st place. mcdonalds play place. sony playstation. play-doh. plug-n-play. hard to say if i’m doing a good job manning the captain’s seat or if the vessel has been on autopilot this whole time. daylight savings time. if you can’t do the crime don’t do the time. ain’t no time like party time. ain’t nobody got time for that. do you have the time? i certainly don’t know if i do. hard to say if its hard to say or not. hard to say if its easy to stay or not.

FatRollPuppySig2

so tight?

sochill

everything can seem super tight holmes, but don’t forget an occasional reality check to top off your perception of the situation you occupy. consider all outcomes.

FatRollPuppySig2

 

you are california

you are california – it’s almost like the thought of you is enough. Distance uncovers permanence and permanence gives way to peace. It’s the proof that i am me without you and that we are california

firma

sunday gloom

zoom into the sunday gloom on a saturday afternoon in june:

winds massage my shins and knees
heat holds my stomach and forehead
sand cools my left foot, my right foot rests on the left
i hear birds, voices, calm waves and helicopters

i like hearing them all at once

someone flying a kite, flag lightly waving
sunglasses lightening the force of moon-like sun’s blind stare
boats and sailboats journey close to shore
walks of life all around us

problems shriveling up into the same sand i lay on
small and insignificant, but big enough and everything
firma

Caesarea, Israel

Caesarea

sometimes i feel like i’m going insane, but then i realize i’m still sitting on the couch i’ve sat on since i was a kid and nothings changed. sometimes i feel like i’ll never be happy, but then i realized i smiled quite a few times yesterday. sometimes i feel like my passions are questionable to pursue, but then i realize that my close ones don’t seem to mind.

FatRollPuppySig2

 

rules / no rules

we have so much control over our lives. sometimes i forget that due to the fixed society we were born into – in society, there are rules. in life, there are none.

firma

mustang

i just wanna write about one thing. but i don’t really wanna write about that one thing. cuz all i do is write about that one thing. but i gotta write so here’s a mustang.

firma

minty bourbon drink

sometimes i hit parties up to be all partied up. but now when i hit parties up i feel all partied out. no one focuses on me. most don’t notice when i’m silent. i’m not motivated to do crazy shit – rather i quite enjoy observing the scene around me and sipping my minty bourbon drink. there’s one radiant girl that’s off limits, but i feel her inhabiting this same world of mine. in this zone i find myself attracting memorable conversation from those i least expected.

firma

8 mile thoughts

when you envision something, it’s not JUST a thought or JUST a hope – it’s literally the first step to manifesting that vision into the physical world. so when you envision whatever it is that you want to put your energy into while concentrating all that energy into the present moment, you are taking a very real, tangible step into realizing your vision.

firma

hurricane mornings

Screen Shot 2015-07-01 at 2.02.06 PM

i’ve been inside the eye of the hurricane
inside the confinement of caves pitch black
as with a dream of death – i woke
my soul went to die and it came back to life

firma

comfortable in my own skin

i gotta be comfortable in my own skin when around anyone – no matter how different or similar i am. no matter their connection with me or their connection with my hopes and dreams. easier said than done though. also, interacting with another person is pretty different from interacting with yourself.

firma

float

watchu lookin at

we’re all in this together
all face the same universal problem
so why sink each other
when we are capable of helping each other float

firma

dreams and vulnerability

lately life is a dream i’m too high to document

struggling with making myself vulnerable

 

life has been a dream that i’m too high to document

while surfing the wave of the ebs and flows of confidence

 

my mind is a prison with a life long sentence

when someone attacks my vulnerability it hurts

but i try to remember the place that vulnerability came from – i took something i believe and put it out into the world with my name attached to it

firma

Where Angels Bend

/// orange fields surround us. through mother’s / green passion. / we collide and explode into a million white flowers / stuff that people go through remind me to / remember the earth is a beautiful home // ride like the wind / how else will you see where oceans end / how else will you know where angels bend / it all depends/ if you ride like the wind / baby ride with the wind / and don’t look back //The truth is undeniable so i am undeniable / its the loaded questions to turn a blind eye to / stuff that people go through remind me to / remember the earth is a beautiful home  // ride like the wind / how else will you see where oceans end / how else will you know where angels bend? / it all depends / if you ride like the wind / baby ride with the wind/ and don’t look back ///
///what are you going to do with your life now? / what are you going to do with your life now? (who knows) / what are you going to do with your life now? / i know i know i know / we’re all a little crazy arent we? / when i rest my horns upon your wings / only god knows the joy it brings ///

firma

the tight rope

When you’re balancing on a tight rope at a very tall height, it is very difficult to take one step at a time and focus on the moment. The potential for the long fall to your death looms or even takes up the forefront of your thoughts. Placing too much focus on the fall would lead to no other than the fall itself. BUT, sometimes you just gotta realize that you’re not actually on a tight rope and you’re just psyching yourself out.

firma

more than just leaves

the breeze feels cooler with you in my head

i can actually hear birds sing with you in my head

los angeles heat is your breath in my ear

the movement of trees feels like more than just leaves

 

i can feel that you’re here from wherever you are

doing your thing, becoming a star

los angeles heat is your hands through my hair

the movement of trees feels like more than just leaves

 

my first morning thoughts try to tear you apart

but i’m happy through time that my heart became smart

los angeles heat is your body, unflawed

the movement of trees feels like more than just leaves

 

ironic that angels did send you to me

because that is exactly what you’ll always be

los angeles heat is like heaven and you

the movement of trees feels like more than just leaves

firma

feeling freshly sunburnt

i’m not searching for happiness anymore

i was listening to jake buggs record simple as this

i started crying and smiling more and more

all the while thinking this is bliss

relief poured from my soul

like a waterfall of diamonds

swirling into space

into everlasting longness

and in that moment on my own, i realized i am not alone

i let go of my need for her, but my love only grew stronger – conditionless like hunger – takes me back when i was younger

feeling freshly sunburnt

but this moment all too fleeting was nothing but a greeting

a how are you? i’m leaving

now i want to keep that presence  close – and hold nothing closer

it’s simple as jake said, but it’s not easy

THIS is just the situation we’re in

firma

Neon

I made this gif image as soon as I woke up from this crazy dream with a neon woman. I tried as hard as I could to reproduce it visually.

I made this gif image as soon as I woke up from this crazy dream with a neon woman. I tried as hard as I could to reproduce it visually.

dream gif

firmas

 

Cinema Paradiso

 

1

2

which you put into

 

Yo Yo Ma’s cello and Chris Botti’s trumpet flow into your ears.

You find

 

 

 

and pour it into

you then sit down

You dont need anything else

——————————-

Curated by Rigo Lamont

Music: Yo-Yo Ma, Chris Botti

Visuals facilitated by: Larry Page, Sergey Brin

Special Thanks: Paco

firmas

Focus

Made this like a month ago. It symbolizes what I do when I do stuff I love to do.

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firmas

Time

Heez de Paula Song 1. 2012. Tip of the iceberg. Wrote this on a cold and rainy November couple dayz in Dallas and Austin TX

My dog died today I didn’t even say bye to it
I didn’t pet it goodnight and when I woke up
I see her body on the floor all froze up
But hold up/ I still got to wake up
I know it’s an animal but she got me asking questions
Dinner conversations not even a mention
My whole childhood she stayed in the same spot
She just had us/ I have us and hip-hop
But seriously though, what we doin’ here though?
why do i sit in math class for a year for?
Don’t mean to be cliche, but shit don’t last forever
This time it really hit me, hardest hit ever
Talking bout hits people now smoking weed
People few years back swearing that won’t be me
Where did my childhood go/ playing hide and seek with it
Just looking at old albums, trying to get a peep at it

I’ll be runnin, I’ll be runnin till the end of time, time
Asking questions, asking questions, answers hard to find time

But it’s way over my head like a motherfucking guillotine
Breaking spleens for these long time dreams with it
Even when I’m cold, something burns inside me
Tryna get rid of these longtime fiends
Add an “r”. Do you know who your friends are?
Losing consciousness, call my flow stream
Bars are in my future, behind em or at em
This girls got me with her lashes when she bat em
And I’m sorry if right now I’m getting philosophical
I’m hotter than the sun, cooler than abominable
Snowman, yes Im a snowman
Call me tinman, cuz a heart I don’t own one
I ran to earth from heaven
I realized I just came from the good parts of earth
Birth, now that’s something ironic/ Mix pain and love-you get life, then beyond it

I’ll be runnin, I’ll be runnin till the end of time, time
Asking questions, asking questions, answers hard to find time

Who knows what lies ahead?
Besides the food, drank and bitches in the bed
For now, I’m just tryna make and spend bread
I’m a spider spinning flows and then lying in my web
Why is it in rap money’s the underlying theme
Always talking bout what people like to call the dream
Just being sick, but never being patient
Living in a world where there ain’t no complacence
Between sanity and crazy lies a really thin fence
I determine my success by how much people I offend
I ain’t cool with 9 mill cuz I’d rather have 10
I ain’t cool with women no more I’d rather have men
Pause, just made you go through menopause
I saw your pants drop and your minds hop with open jaws
But mommy, Tommy’s just fighting for a cause
The cause is to kill people by dropping atomic bombs

I’ll be runnin, I’ll be runnin till the end of time, time
Asking questions, asking questions, answers hard to find time

firma